After Edna finishes her tea and smiles like she\u2019s just won a 55-year chess match, the porch goes quiet. The swing creaks gently. Bert stares straight ahead, processing decades of sabotage, pennies, spatulas, and Hallmark movies he never meant to watch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Finally, he clears his throat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve got a confession?\u201d Edna asks, raising an eyebrow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bert nods slowly. \u201cYes, I do.\u201d
Edna leans in, suddenly very alert. \u201cWell? Out with it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bert sighs. \u201cYou know how for the last ten years, every time you ask me to take out the trash, I say, \u2018I already did\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Edna narrows her eyes. \u201cYes\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bert smiles. \u201cI didn\u2019t forget. I just waited until you<\/em> got up to check. The exercise was good for your hips.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Edna gasps. \u201cYou liar<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAnd,\u201d Bert continues, warming up now, \u201cremember how your phone mysteriously autocorrects \u2018love you\u2019 to \u2018leave you\u2019 when you text your sister?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Edna\u2019s mouth falls open. \u201cThat was YOU?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bert nods proudly. \u201cSet it up myself. You two didn\u2019t speak for three weeks. Most peaceful spring of my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Edna sits back, stunned. \u201cBert\u2026 you devious old man.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh, I\u2019m not done,\u201d he says. \u201cEvery time your book club came over and the cookies tasted a little\u2026 off?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Edna whispers, \u201cYou didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI did,\u201d Bert says calmly. \u201cSwapped the sugar for salt. They blamed your eyesight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s a long silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then Edna starts laughing. Hard. She laughs so much the swing starts rocking. \u201cAll these years,\u201d she says between breaths, \u201cI thought I was the evil one.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bert grins. \u201cMarriage, Edna. It\u2019s not about honesty. It\u2019s about balance.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Edna reaches over, squeezes his hand, and says, \u201cPromise me one thing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIf we ever do skydiving\u2026 you jump first.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" After Edna finishes her tea and smiles like she\u2019s just won a 55-year chess match, the porch goes quiet. The swing creaks gently. Bert stares straight ahead,… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1904,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10554","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/informed24.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10554","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/informed24.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/informed24.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/informed24.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/informed24.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10554"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/informed24.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10554\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10555,"href":"https:\/\/informed24.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10554\/revisions\/10555"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/informed24.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1904"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/informed24.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10554"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/informed24.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10554"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/informed24.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10554"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}